Healthy Living for a Healthy Lifestyle
Pillar of Good Relationship
Stephen Lau
Pillar of Good Relationship
Stephen Lau
Love relationships come and go. Marriages break up, and divorces repeat themselves. The ancient wisdom of Oriental Zen philosophy, which is a way of being, a way of living in the present moment, may give some insight into the complexity of a love relationship.
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How and Why a Love Relationshp May Fail
by
Stephen Lau
by
Stephen Lau
Copyright© by Stephen Lau
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7 Pillars of Wisdom
7 Pillars of Wisdom
The following is taken from my website "Zen Is The Way":
Zen is the way: Stop looking for love!
To many, failed relationships are painful. In our contemporary society, divorces are commonplace.
Why is a good love relationship so difficult to come by? Or why do good relationships fail?
Zen health is simple: Love without expectations.
Love is a gift, but you must be ready to receive it. Surprisingly, many people are just not ready. They come to love with many expectations, and when these expectations fail, love turns into pain.
But real love does not hurt, because real love is not a feeling; instead, it is a way of being. Real love is neither conditional nor dependent on someone or something else. Real love is simply an act, a deed.
Zen health is simple: Feel good about yourself for who and what you are. Love means never having to use another person to make you feel better.
Real love is built of deeds. You do not feel love: you "do" love. When you "do" love, you are loving, and loving others, you are being loved. Love is made up of loving deeds, not feelings. Love, dependent on feelings, is infatuation, not real love. Real love is without expectations, and therefore it never hurts.
This is a common scenario of how a love relationship may end.
You want love, but you may be afraid to receive it. This is often the irony in a love relationship.
Zen is the way: Stop looking for love!
To many, failed relationships are painful. In our contemporary society, divorces are commonplace.
Why is a good love relationship so difficult to come by? Or why do good relationships fail?
Zen health is simple: Love without expectations.
Love is a gift, but you must be ready to receive it. Surprisingly, many people are just not ready. They come to love with many expectations, and when these expectations fail, love turns into pain.
But real love does not hurt, because real love is not a feeling; instead, it is a way of being. Real love is neither conditional nor dependent on someone or something else. Real love is simply an act, a deed.
Zen health is simple: Feel good about yourself for who and what you are. Love means never having to use another person to make you feel better.
Real love is built of deeds. You do not feel love: you "do" love. When you "do" love, you are loving, and loving others, you are being loved. Love is made up of loving deeds, not feelings. Love, dependent on feelings, is infatuation, not real love. Real love is without expectations, and therefore it never hurts.
This is a common scenario of how a love relationship may end.
You want love, but you may be afraid to receive it. This is often the irony in a love relationship.
This is a common scenario of how a love relationship may end.
You want love, but you may be afraid to receive it. This is often the irony in a love relationship.
The problem (in Zen wisdom, there is never a problem) is that you are looking for a "perfect" love relationship or the "right" person to make you "happy" about yourself.
In your subconscious mind, that "perfect" love relationship or the "right" person can make you "happy" because deep in your mind a "good" love relationship is supposed to make you "feel good" about yourself. In other words, you are using that "right" person to reinforce your self-image, thereby unwittingly creating the "fear" in your subconscious mind, because your “well-being” then becomes too dependent on that "right" person, so to speak.
When that "right" person does turn up in your life, you may feel inadequate, undeserving, or simply incomplete. Subconsciously, you feel the relationship may not last, and you may consciously or subconsciously "anticipate" the inevitable rejection that you think will inevitably happen one day. Then you start picking fights and testing the other person constantly (in fits of anger and jealousy), even though deep down you may want that love relationship to last. Ironically, it may become a self-fulfilling prophecy. This is how a love relationship may turn sour and end unhappily.
You want love, but you may be afraid to receive it. This is often the irony in a love relationship.
The problem (in Zen wisdom, there is never a problem) is that you are looking for a "perfect" love relationship or the "right" person to make you "happy" about yourself.
In your subconscious mind, that "perfect" love relationship or the "right" person can make you "happy" because deep in your mind a "good" love relationship is supposed to make you "feel good" about yourself. In other words, you are using that "right" person to reinforce your self-image, thereby unwittingly creating the "fear" in your subconscious mind, because your “well-being” then becomes too dependent on that "right" person, so to speak.
When that "right" person does turn up in your life, you may feel inadequate, undeserving, or simply incomplete. Subconsciously, you feel the relationship may not last, and you may consciously or subconsciously "anticipate" the inevitable rejection that you think will inevitably happen one day. Then you start picking fights and testing the other person constantly (in fits of anger and jealousy), even though deep down you may want that love relationship to last. Ironically, it may become a self-fulfilling prophecy. This is how a love relationship may turn sour and end unhappily.
Zen health is simple: You are the “perfect” person just as you are, and so is your partner.
If you cannot love yourself completely, you cannot love another person. It is just that simple. If you cannot accept something unpleasant or incomplete in yourself, you cannot accept something else that you think is unpleasant and incomplete in another person. If you reject that person, you are in fact rejecting a part of yourself that you do not like.
In a love relationship, you often begin to "mask" what you do not like about yourself, hiding from that "right" person. You are afraid of giving yourself frankly and opening yourself completely, and accepting yourself just as you really are. If you don't take off that mask of yours, you will only make any love relationship difficult to last.
Zen health is simple: Accept what is good and bad in a love relationship; you cannot take just the good and discard the bad. A love relationship is there to tell you what you need, not what you want.
If you cannot love yourself completely, you cannot love another person. It is just that simple. If you cannot accept something unpleasant or incomplete in yourself, you cannot accept something else that you think is unpleasant and incomplete in another person. If you reject that person, you are in fact rejecting a part of yourself that you do not like.
In a love relationship, you often begin to "mask" what you do not like about yourself, hiding from that "right" person. You are afraid of giving yourself frankly and opening yourself completely, and accepting yourself just as you really are. If you don't take off that mask of yours, you will only make any love relationship difficult to last.
Zen health is simple: Accept what is good and bad in a love relationship; you cannot take just the good and discard the bad. A love relationship is there to tell you what you need, not what you want.
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